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am 1:27 Thursday 14 August 2003

(Dream) An absolutely silent mosquito flies over my body, across my face, and as I track it, I suddenly reach up and slap my hands together, killing it. (Fin)

The sound of the clap wakes me up, and I lie in bed a moment, thinking about it, criticizing myself. I relive the dream, watching the mosquito flying across my face once again .... Aha! I had been watching it! That's how I knew where the mosquito was, so in my sleep, I could slap it.

Except, I tell myself critically, lying in the dark, my eyes were actually shut. It was a stupid dream. Then, I continue to realize, I had actually used my hands and arms in outside physical reality, to reach up and make a loud clap. Now that was a first. I had sleep-clapped. How droll.

I remembered an equally crazy experiment I had made about five years ago, this time in the opposite direction. In this experiment, I had decided, if there really was a mystical self somewhere inside me, I should be able to close my eyes while driving, and somehow see. Now, in fact, I had just driven over the Bay Bridge on my way home after work, four-thirty in the afternoon, at fifty miles an hour.

I shut my eyes for about three seconds, then opened them. My hands had been stiff on the steering wheel, and I hadn't swerved and killed myself, or anything. Later, and this was one of the few times my teacher used direct telepathy on me, he touched my mind during our early evening meeting, marked the memory of my freeway eyes-wide-shut experiment, and said in my mind, Don't do that! And with those words I realized, I can't ignore the physical requirement of keeping my eyes open during driving.

I remembered something else at the time. "You don't have to do anything, really," David told us. "It's not something you have to look for inside yourself. It's something that will find you."

Now, as I lay in my bed, not able to sleep after that stupid dream, I felt the lightest sensation across both eyelids at once. It was almost a ping across the surface of my still-closed eyes, maybe the sensation of an effervescent bubble popping across my eyelashes. Something, I realized, had connected to my optic nerve.

So I visualized the dream once again, about the silent mosquito I had been watching with my eyes shut, then visualized writing what I am writing now, and making this particular page my URL home page, then reaching up with both arms for a single Slap!

Except the critical part of myself is far from dead, and despite the irony of the dream's loud clap having woken me up, and the notion of making this page my home page, I realized what I had been visualizing in my mind had been a display on a new browser, and a new browser has nothing at all to do with a URL home page, much less a new computer. So there! And why is the critical part of myself still alive and kicking?

With that, I recreated the experiment I had made several years ago, and as I thought it over, added one extra step. I'm riding down the freeway, all right, at fifty miles an hour, and my eyes are actually shut. Okay, I realize silently, Now just put your hands over your head and clap!

 
 
 

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