2005

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feb
18

Most people are trained, through their own wishful thinking, I guess, to derive meaning and reality from words they hear, than through careful observation. Thus, if someone says, "So-and-so is a jerk," they'd rather believe that, than observe So-and-so directly, so as to get direct impressions. People who process life this way are so susceptible to being conned.

pm
12:59

A man got into my cab about two weeks ago, a businessman, wearing a suit, very polite, attentive, no rough edges, and upon arriving at 60 King, I believe, next to the new ball park, handed me a twenty dollar bill for a $5.55 fare and said, "Keep ten, give me back fifteen."

Processing the words, many, many people would hear, "Keep ten ..." that's kind, that's generous, and proceed to "give them back fifteen." I know this. I tested it on a moron soon after, not playing the trick, simply describing it.

Instead, I gazed at the twenty dollar bill, which I had immediately tucked under a rubber band around the visor, up near the roof, and gazed at the fare, which read $5.55. Then, for the man's benefit, pointed from one to the other, saying, "Keep ten?"

He paused, a heartbeat too long, the way an actor might, and said, "Uh ... Oh! ... Give me back ten!" with a little more camaraderie than a person might expect, which I did, and he left.

1:03

Once I realized I allow women to snatch something away from me, as easy as a con, some sort of implied promise, some sort of hint, based on my wishful thinking, and the evil genius in me had been poured out, to be absorbed into my lower abdomen, connecting my breathing, belly to chest, occupying the place revealed by my amnesia wall at the sourthern border of Colorado coming down, knowing all I'd ever missed was a dog named Snopes, and that I'd been abc'd, I no longer felt so drawn to a cashier's window named Mary.

With very little effort, I realized, I can make my own knees weak.

From then on, whenever I saw her, or she said something, I'd simply say, "There's a lot to learn," smile warmly, and somehow the fence in me took.

There's a fence. There's a fence. People don't need to reach into my mind and snatch something.

1:15