2005

pdt

tue
jul
5

When you spend enough time dreaming, excavating buried memories, sensing yourself the way a cat would, and understanding both the specifics and generalities of all you learn, you realize you're building a tangible area of the mind, emotions and physicality inside yourself, maybe a sanctuary. You don't really have anything to lose, because after all, you're using those parts of the mind that were buried anyway. Reusing them in this manner is really elevating them into what Gurdjieff called a new organ of perception.

What's really absurd is you build on all you learn pretty much just by having fun! So, there I was in the Office Depot about a month ago, wandering the aisles in search of five items I had refused to write down: rubber bands, envelopes, ..., and having trouble remembering the fifth item, just kept wandering. I was in a vague stupor, really, something I used to see my mom in, actually, on a daily basis. Well, there was a First Aid Kit – I needed that, so added it to my cart, even though it wasn't on the list.

The trouble was, when I got home, I discovered I had five First Aid Kits at various places in my small apartment, which prompted me to believe I was crazy.

pm
7:20

I don't know if you've ever contemplated the inner nature of kits. Some kinds of kits are self-evident, for instance, a kit for building a piece of furniture, or a model airplane. You spread the pieces out with one hand, read the instructions from the other, and just do it.

Another kind of kit you carry because it contains necessary items for a particular activity. For instance, a heroin, cocaine or methamphetamine kit includes a tablespoon, cigarette filter, pocket knife, belt, glass syringe, which can save your life if you don't share it, extra needle, and pack of matches.

A First Aid Kit is different, because it isn't clear what goes into one to begin with, though it may be, bigger is better. There ought to be a pair of tweezers, at minimum, for removing tiny splinters you get working with wood, and certainly a magnifying glass. Then various kinds of Band-Aids and gauze wraps. Now the First Aid Kit I found in my bedroom also contains condoms and dental floss, which seems sensible enough. I never did know where those condoms had gone. You can tell I'm augmenting whatever I buy, then tucking the kit away and forgetting about it.

That's the only crazy thing going on here. I've been buying First Aid Kits over the years and hiding them from myself, which may be the primary mechanism of insanity ... I'm not crazy ... I just have a memory problem.

7:43