MAGIC WAND GARAGE • chapter 1028




July 3rd The deepest parts of my mind have informed me I'm going to have a top-of-the-line ashen gray Camaro and get laid, which is no small feat for someone sixty-five years old working out of the back of an apartment for some eighteen years. Hmm. Eighteen. Sounds like puberty.

The (Dream) I have has something to do with a stick, a black stick poking up, someone insulting me in some way, and my response to it. (Fin) Unfortunately, when I wake up, I'm a little distressed because the dream came out of a part of my mind that's always been cloaked in confusion, or mystery, or speechlessness, or all of the above, and it's always been hard for me to pull anything out of that part of my inner factory, which is just how I'm beginning to see my mind ... as a factory.

(Dream) I'm at a copy shop, and the people there are putting up with my retries. I go over to the copy machine and press the button for yet another listing. There's a wealthy man waiting outside who wants a taxicab, and the instant I hear that from our lady manager, I ignore all protocols and immediately go out onto the terrace where I know those types hang out, and spotting the one guy I don't know over in a corner of the brick terrace, immediately go over and introduce myself, by way of "I'm Richard. I can give you a ride in my taxicab." Then I make an instant retreat. Soon, the manager has all the free taxi drivers line up, with me on one end, to allow the chap to choose from among us "honestly." He looks down, chuckles, and says, "I'd like Richard." (Fin)

"//.. .././. //../ /... /././ /... .//./. .//. ./.. /./ ./ It's unstoppable /..// .../ /././ //.. .//. .//. ./. //. .// ./// /.. ./.. /," a whisper voice says, and I immediately see where that two-word phrase will plug in over there at taxi1010.com ... stargate27. It's been troublesome.





July 2nd (Dream) I'm in my apartment back in St. Louis and Cambridge at the same time. I don't know. Maybe it's Italy. Some people across the way can see into my apartment and I have to crawl, naked thing that I am, over to where I can ease the curtains shut. It's only then that I see a whole other apartment complex in the perpendicular wall! Damn! And those people are up even higher with an almost panoramic slant to my naked carryings on. Damn! I find a way to get a curtain across that as well. Luckily, I have these beautiful hardwood floors to slide around on. There's an empty fireplace as well. When I get back to the bus, someone's inside trying to break it in two. The rear wheels are chocked, I saw, coming up on it, and when I see the guy inside, see he's trying to break it in two the way two people are in a horse suit together. That may not be the way to do it. I think I can help, and when I get inside to tell him my plan, see it's not a bus after all. It's my taxicab! The guy's trying to talk to me about having fun as a proportional activity, as in "What part of the time are you having fun?" Waking up slightly, I begin to wonder if I'm actually or even having fun ... at all! (Fin) "After all!" I tell myself, wide awake now.





July 1st (Dream) I'm with my Muslim friends in a shopping center and make a stop at a shoe store which is a little third-world. The woman proprietor doesn't have my exact shoe size but disappears into the back for quite some time without returning my credit card. Hmm. It doesn't matter. She'll eventually show up. Meanwhile, I discover there are some shoes I can wear after all, if I use my ingenuity. Socks, too. I'm with Mom driving around the block and realize that's all a person has to do in life. Go around the block rather than turn on anyone. Back with my Muslim friends, I see they nod or shake their heads in advance, sort of a preliminary communication before any words are exchanged. Strange that I never picked up on that before. (Fin)





June 29th (Dream) I'm in a café with a woman, we're having fun. My suitcase is just outside, resting on a concrete column and I suddenly remember I left it out there. I race outside, and sure enough, it's gone, gone, gone! Quickly looking around the Italian square where I'm on vacation, I see some children scurrying off in all directions, and realizing one or more of them are probably the culprits, follow two of them. They disappear into an apartment basement, and I just barge right in after them. The place is nice, kind of like a New York City tenement flat, with thin tattered rugs and a scattering of simple wood furniture. An old skinny guy makes an appearance and asks me what I'm doing there? I tell him. He and I have some sort of face-off, circling one another with a slight amount of hostility and a large amount of watchfulness. "I wouldn't just march into your home!" he tells me after a moment. {I wouldn't care!" I tell him, "I'll give you my address," and proceed to tell him 1474 7th Street, Berkeley, California, knowing never in a million years he'll make it over there. Back at the café, still without my suitcase, I begin to wonder how I might make a bomb. (Fin)





June 21st (Dream) A man and his accomplice are chasing me, and I finally figure out what to do about it! When the really vicious one (of the two) rounds a corner, I throw a bucket of high-tech paint on the guy. I'm not quite sure why, though have the distinct impression his footprints (at any subsequent crime scene involving me) will give him away, and this knowledge might deter him from further assault. He approaches me with a concealed razor or something. I can see it gleaming in his hand, and simply pull out my Kimber .45 and shoot him dead! (Fin) Waking up, I consider carrying all three of my pistols around!

(Dream) Getting back to where I've left Achilles and Paris overnight, in a field of lush undergrowth and forestry, down in a fenced-in depression, I find the two dogs in a whole animal kingdom, among creatures large and small, totally integrated into the beastly merriment. Satisfied that someone's been attending to their food and water, I retreat and go around a corner to be alone for a while, out of sight of all. (Fin)





June 16th (Dream) The woman and I have been talking about something, and in the course of the conversation, she mentions the ten dollar bill she's got. I drop her at her door, being of whatever assistance I can offer. "Here," she says, "I'll give you all my ones." She counts out and hands me four bills. Only after she's back inside and I stop to sort the money so as to add it to my billfold do I discover she's given me three ones and her ten. I go back and ring the doorbell with the intention of giving her her ten dollar bill back. I ring again. Finally, someone comes to the other side of the door. Again, I ring the bell. Then I hear the sounds of someone unscrewing the hinges of the door. This so puzzles me, I (Fin) wake up.





June 12th (Dream) I'm in a crowd, and it's really crowded! We're all up on some sort of platform all squunched together, and Virginia comes right out of the projection we're watching and becomes ... Virginia! I say a few words to her, and her to me. There's a man who's been following a guy named Joe, and when he figures out Joe is working at another place, he infiltrates the place, then approaches Joe like a long lost friend. I'm in a nice spot to see all this. (Fin)





June 10th (Dream) Linda and I are kissing, and it's not just kissing ... We're smoldering! She's so hot, we're almost one and the same person. (Fin)





June 6th (Dream) It all happens so fast. The enlisted man misinterpreted, misunderstood, or misread the order of things in the transcript of the conversation his wife and I had about a colonoscopy, and in a flash of white fury I find myself leaping off the back of the truck, (realizing all this,) while at the same time screaming out, "You're a one-inch little liar who's about one inch off the ground!" and landing on the dusty pavement with my fists raised, cry out, "START IT!" (Fin)





June 5th (Dream) I'm in a dark, dark field sometime in the evening, and a sign over a hole in the ground says, "WE CAN'T!" in capital letters. I can see which way the underground tunnel leads, and shortly along its underground path, on top of it, someone has left another sign, posted in the ground, saying, "CAN'T WAIT!" again in capital letters. Waking slightly, I see all I have to do is wait a little. A friend of mine, who's with me now, tells me the tunnel is some ten miles long, which I find both phenomenal and exceptional. Most tunnels are much shorter than ten miles. Still slightly awake, I simply allow sensations to work their way through my body, realizing I'm (in the dreamland) coursing my way though and along the underground tunnel, waiting for any developments. As I begin to encounter memories of various sorts, a realization makes its way out of my skin, which is quickly verbalized as "Go figure!" in italics. I immediately see the applications for this in my life and on taxi1010.com, and go back into semi-sleep, seeing there's a ways to go in this tunnel. Back in (The Dream) I see a huge circular park of some kind, and if I screw it slightly to the left, everything changes. All the people in the dream race to fill in the now missing gaps that the rotation has created. A car swiftly races alongside my own, stopping so close I won't be able to open my door to get out. A woman who looks like Whitney is at the wheel of the car, and in the back seat some important executive type, who looks like he's from Los Angeles, consults a notepad he's holding and makes like he's about to say something earth-shattering. Who knows? A realization again surfaces to my skin, which my mind quickly verbalizes as "The distance," in italics, and again, see the applications of this in my both my life and on taxi1010.com. (Fin)

Waking up, a whisper voice says, "// .. ./. // .../ ./ /... /.. // .// /. ../ //.. ../ /, That's the one thing you've got going for you – You can escape from any disaster // ... // /... /. /./ /... /./ ../ .// .../ ... // ../ /... /."





June 4th (Dream) L.G. Sprunt and I just had a snack at the Country Club, and he's told me it's okay to use his station wagon. That would be fine if, when we get outside, we hadn't come upon a station wagon with a stuck accelerator! The damn thing is taking off down the road on its own, with a Mexican trapped inside! L.G. is oblivious to the situation, trying to engage me in some sort of conversation as to whether I would have gone to Kansas University instead of Dartmouth College if he had raised me. You know, all these things might be interesting if it weren't for the unmanned station wagon tearing off down the highway. I race after it and manage to reach it just as the Mexican leaps out onto the asphalt, somehow not injuring himself because of the wet suit he was wearing. The wet suit itself is torn to shreds, but the guy is seemingly all right. Now there's the question of this station wagon, whose spinning rear wheels I'm holding up above the pavement. Now to find something to prop the car chassis up on until the vehicle runs out of gas, or the police arrive, or both. (Fin)





June 1st (Dream) I'm parked just outside a garage, and Bob Reich has brought his car right up behind me for some reason. Damn! He's pushing it up against mine! I take off, taking taxi routes that only I know about, and he's coming after me! Up into the garage I go, then suddenly, when he least expects it, I duck underneath a wire and go down one of the ramps in the wrong direction! I finally get back outside again, and park my car right beside another, so no one can open any of my doors. It doesn't work. Somehow he manages to catch up to me and tells me the Committee has mentioned my name once or twice, mostly met with indifference. David Sylva, it turns out, was living with Whitney when he was back in Massachusetts. That's the news. A woman is shaving all the hair off Achilles, and seeing this is more healthy for the dog, I suggest she perform the same procedure on Paris. Paris doesn't seem to like being shorn, though I can see it won't last long. Hmm. The maintenance. I hadn't thought about the maintenance. I go back into the shopping center where I find a group of students outside some low-income housing project I hadn't known about. I make my way into one of the rooms and simply crash there on a bed. When I wake up, I discover some police officers around me, and thank them very much for their hospitality. I go back outside and dive into a laundry chute or something. It brings me out into our beach home at Figure Eight Island, near an outdoor shower, and a whisper voice says, "/ /.. /.. .. /.. // .../ ./. /.. ../ ... / Where Homesickness Comes From & What to do About It /.. .// ..// ./. ./. .// /. ./// .../ ./ /.// .... //. .," to which another whisper voice responds, "//. .... //. ../. // ./ /./ ./. ... /. /./ ./ ./. ./ Can't imagine /. .. //./ /..//.. // //. ./ /./. // ./. /." (Fin) I'm pretty much awake now, lying in bed, and watch as my inner self starts cutting a hole in the ceiling of an inky black bluish liquid home it seems to be living in, and as it carefully cuts pieces of a circular manhole out of the ceiling above itself, I feel corresponding sensations circling my Adam's apple. A whisper voice says, "// ... /.../. ./.. ..//. ../ .//. //.. .. ./ It's not going to be what we think it is, /.. ./././ /... /./ ../ /... //.. //./ ./. ././ .," and I realize, we're in this together. Back in the dreamscape, I see myself at some sort of circular picnic table with a blue table cloth emerging and unfolding from a hole in the center of the table, from where maybe an umbrella pole is meant to go, and the tablecloth spreads out and flattens onto the table with only a hint of the hole from which it emerged. (Fin again) There's a tingling in my Adam's apple.





May 31st (Dream) The doorman asks if I can go to the airport and straighten out the wheels of Flight 92. He tells me exactly which corridor I have to go through, "Where I'll find it at the end, on the right." I only have one job on my waybill and wonder if I'll even be able to get another today. For some odd reason, I agree to give it a shot. In the reception area of the theater at John Burroughs School I encounter some managers who want me to "hang in there!" for something or other. There's mud on my boots. I don't know if I'll ever get a fare today. Nothing but errands, and still only one job on my waybill. Damn! Meanwhile, my sister and her boyfriend are careening down the avenue in a jumbo jet. She's the one in the wheel, and I keep my mouth shut as she barrels around one corner, then whips the jetliner into a graceful U-turn. Hmm. (Fin)





May 29th (Dream) I'm the newcomer, much older than the other software engineers employed here. One of them mentions a paper he's written addressing the replenishment of what he had taken to be a marker for a system clock tick. "The tick isn't updated regularly," he says in his presentation, "especially if the system call determines it wasn't necessary. This is a problem if you are using the tick as a representation of time." I notice he doesn't address (in his talk) how to correct the problem, which isn't a problem, really, if you force the system to flush its buffers. He may have already considered that, though, and found out there would be undetermined side effects to this action. No, it's just interesting to see what occupies the time and energy of these people. I see Patty come in and make her way over to a hair salon at the side of the central mall area where we're having this brainstorming activity. Maybe I'll go over there and see what she's up to. (Fin)

Waking up, I see the real problem the dream was addressing was the sleepwalking state of my breath, especially when I'm about to feel depressed. Depression, I note, after holding my breath, is merely regression to a state when I actually was depressed, especially when I was around my mother. The solution, I quickly determine, is to lightly STOP MY BREATHING. That tends to wake me right up, bring me into the here and now. I can see why a person wouldn't want to do this exercise more than about once a day.





May 26th (Dream) I'm with a friend, and together we're looking back into some sort of rectangular box in which you can clearly see various animals, or fish, and clearly it's an aquarium ... of animals! Off to the left there's a creature whose essence is clearly a star, along with all that would emanate from such an entity, and gazing back at myself and my friend, can see we're actually predators ourselves. (Fin)





May 24th (Dream) Our new cabin is kind of airy, upstairs and downstairs. Woodsy and cozy, too. Achilles clearly has to go outside. He hasn't been "ought" all day, my God! I get up to help him find the dog door. That's odd. The dog door. Why hasn't he been using it? Maybe because it's up too high. I'll have to teach him to jump up and through or something. There's something puzzling about this situation. After I go back to the couch where I've been relaxing, I hear someone at the door. Now that's even odder, way out here in the middle of nowhere. I open it and find three big guys who claim they're surveying land use in the area or some such crap. One guy pushes past my shoulder to take a good look inside and I push him back, telling the three to get lost. Quickly I go back and look for where my summer camp steamer trunk is. My pistols are in there, and I fully intend to use them if they come back. I'm just debating whether to keep a bullet in the chamber of my Kimber, and whether to keep it somewhere near where I sleep. (Fin)





May 19th (Dream) I'm in St. Louis, and Achilles is with me on the second floor of our house in Wilmington, North Carolina. He's only been in my room an hour and I'm wondering if he has to go outside already. Could it be? I tentatively take him out into the hallway, where he takes off! Picking up the phone, I find myself immersed in an intense and cordial conversation with my stepfather, even though he's dead now. I take a leisurely stroll outside with the Bluetooth phone in hand as my stepfather first asks if I can "be the dummy" in a bridge hand when some of his friends come over, (which I begin to realize is a veiled insult of some kind,) then begins to relate some problem or other with one of my sisters. "You have to be specific!" I tell him. So instead of using a broad brush to describe the difficulty, he uses a fine brush ... to create his impression of the facts rather than the actual facts. "No, no!" I tell him, "What did anyone actually SAY?" to which there is absolute silence on the other end of the line. Then I see I've simply wandered too far off in the neighborhood for my Bluetooth connection to reach the base unit of my telephone. Hurriedly, I head back inside only to hear (at a distance, because I've set down the handset) my stepfather going on and on about something, as if he's never realized I haven't actually been connected for some period of time. (Fin)





May 14th (Dream) Amoret is here and rents a minivan to drive around in. I'm along just for the ride. We decide to fully explore San Francisco with her at the wheel, and I'm amazed what I'm seeing when I'm not the driver. It's a damn mysterious city, that's all. She takes it out on the highway, over in Maryland, just north of Annapolis, and makes an ill-advised turn onto one of the local highways. The turn is, in fact, across four lanes of traffic (which, luckily, isn't moving) then takes a sharp right into the closest lane, flowing along with adjacent lanes, the closest of which is occupied by a Maryland Highway Patrol car. Well, anyway. We get to a mall of some kind where I let her know I have no idea how I ever left home without any shoes or socks on at all, and now we're out and about, I might as well pick up a pair of cheap black shoes. Soon enough, after parking in the huge parking lot, I find myself wearing exactly that: twenty-dollar black shoes. Perfect! That'll last a while. I take her to an outcropping back in San Francisco, way back by Thirtieth and Castro, and am surprised I've never seen the view from here before. Well, maybe I have. "Sure, enough," I tell her, "I think I did bring someone here in my taxicab once." I backtrack slightly, here in Sacramento's Old Town, and see two especially cheap-looking Pakistani prayer rugs displayed on the wall of a shop, and distinctly remember having seen them there, in the same spot, years earlier. I point them out to Amoret, then the two of us continue down to a sandy cliff area where people seem to be gazing over the edge at something. The two of us make our way down and upon gazing over the edge, I see small huddles of gangsters gathered at other places, all of us gazing over the edge of the main cliff at some sort of illegal fight club in an arena at least a quarter of a mile straight down. Not forgetting my extraordinary fear of heights, I indicated to Amo we should carefully make our way back along what appears to be ever more slippery sand on the edge of the cliff we're making our way back from. I can't help but notice how the sand we're disturbing is undoubtedly making its way onto some of the gangster gatherings back closer to the cliff's edge. I just keep my eyes down, choosing my way carefully. (Fin)





May 13th (Dream) Suddenly returning to my bedroom, I'm totally shocked. "What the hell is going on in here!" I cry out just as I see the new sleeping quarters. There are two beds laid out on the floor, foot to foot. Clearly, by the way the pillows are laid out at the far ends of this "double bed" arrangement, one bed is for me, and extending out in the opposite direction, the other bed for someone else. I roam out into the house, and discover a crew of guys already hanging around here and there. Some guy in the back yard is doing something around a car, and when I offer him a drink, he chooses a Dr. Pepper from the choices I gave him. I go back into the house to get some ice in a glass and some of that sodi-pop! Clearly a few people weren't ready to see me in the altogether, since I've long figured out, clothing is totally optional around this place. (Fin)





May 6th (Dream) My boss is a woman and she's getting a little too close for comfort checking into the status of the project I haven't even begun. She doesn't know that. My status reports have indicated it's right on track! I drop down into my basement workshop and skirt around my work area, just to make sure the code I have written is a reasonably effective kernel. You get the small things right, and everything else falls into place, effortlessly. This is fun. The code is like an electric train on a track, with a figure-eight loop. It's has an amber quality. (Fin)





April 29th (Dream) I'm in a gunfighting town and hide behind a door with my Kimber .45 at hand. I have it aimed at the height where a man's face would be. The door slowly swings open, and I see the guy is much shorter than I imagined. I've still got the gun! We're in a card room of some kind, and I ignore the women. That's always best. Though I do circle around and find a place setting where I'll have a commanding peripheral view of them all! Whitney shows up and right away starts saying something smart to Alex. "She's a trouble maker!" I tell him. She turns and gazes at me with a surprised expression on her face, though I can see it blends into some sort of smirk as she slowly leads him off to the left. Her head is suddenly being bent over the back of an armchair just to my left as her forearms reach back and over her head toward me. Instinctively I take hold of both her hands and am immediately joined with her mind. Images of the covers of the same sort of trashy porn books I used to read flash through my mind, though slightly different from the ones in my collection. She reads the same cheesy books I read, I realize. Our hands our now writhing together as she continues kissing Alex back on the cushioned chair. (Fin)

"///. ././ ./. .... //./ /... //. ./.. .// ../ ../ She's an instigator! // ../ ../ /. ../ // /. ./. // ./ ./. .// ./ ./.. /," a whisper voice tells me as I wake up with a nice, warm erection.





April 26th (Dream) Danny (my ex-wife) and I get back together, except she's not home. She's actually not home for the next three days, and someone sort of hints she's with Walter. Well, that's interesting, seeing's how we actually didn't get married again, or even consummate anything. I'm glad she's out gallivanting, saves me a lot of trouble. I'm hiding behind a curtain back in Colorado Springs, and the guy can't find me! Every time he leaves, I come out of hiding. Here he comes again! I dart back behind the curtain, except this time I forget my body is leaning out and my arm is propping myself up on the dining room table! Damn! I'm not so good at hiding anymore! I race around a corner to get away, and out on the freeway my motor bike adeptly scoots around potholes and actual sinkholes which are opening up in the center of the road! Cadillacs and their ilk are crashing all around me, and I manage to dart around and get by. I step back behind a curtain under an outdoor shower on a beachfront. (Fin)





April 23rd (Dream) I'm in the theater lobby and have to walk around a few people to get back inside. (Fin)

(Dream) The parking place for my skate board worked out fine. Picking it up, I'm not sure I remember how to activate it. You sit back on it, that's a start. Then there's something about its electromatic "differential" that will make it go forward. Meanwhile, there's some guy in an ordinary automobile that wants to get out of HIS parking space, as if I'm blocking him. I walk around him carrying my electro-skate board and set it down on the line separating the far right lane from the bicycle lane. If this works okay, all I have to do is sit back down on it, lean back, and sort of wish. Then if all goes well, I'll sweep into a left turn onto the freeway on-ramp, and up the slight incline. (Fin)





April 21st (Dream) I'm outside a Church kind of resting, almost sleeping, on the lawn, not far from a homeless guy. It's a perfect spot. There's going to be a celebration here, or a reunion or something, to which I'm invited. I think! Some guy comes out and tries to rouse me from my spot. He's well-dressed, in a suit and all, and it seems reasonable to move anyway because of the rising sea. I go inside and see some people I know from David Daniels' group, and going room to room, just make sure I don't see Whitney. She's the last person on earth I ever want to see and if I'm really lucky, she's dead. Nope! Not here! David Van Ness has picked up a few supplies in the produce section, and together we decide to run some of his purchases down the hill before anything official begins to happen, and figuring we have time, go down to the street to catch a bus. I'm a little distracted by something just below the road, and when I get back up, see David and David Tickton already grabbed the bus that went by! Damn! No trouble, I'll simply grab the next one which I can already see coming my way. It stops, I get in, and too late discover it's taking the uphill fork ahead of us rather than the downhill fork which I'm pretty sure the earlier bus had to have taken. Damn! I decide to call David Van Ness with my cell phone, and just as I pull it out, a hoodlum next to me jumps me! The damn guy's trying to strangle me, too! Somehow I wrest my way free and realize I have to be careful before I run energy up the right side of my spine. Some people can see it. (Fin)





April 18th (Dream) I'm back on campus, up on a slight hill, and just when I think I'm used to my new room, I'm asked to switch to the one next door, which is fine by me. This new one, adjacent to the other, has a small foyer, then a back room looping back to a cozy bedroom. There's a certain charm to it. Not much space, and thoroughly comfy. (Fin)

(Dream) Outside, on the chilly island, I greet my mom, who had been fixing to surprise me by taking a swim through the icy waters to a back shore. Ha! There's not much that escapes my intention. I help her dry off. She's so tough she doesn't even shiver. "You know, Mom," I tell her, "... some sailors recently died out there. It only takes a few minutes, you know." She just smiles at me, wrapping the towel around her hair. (Fin)





April 12th (Dream) I'm holding back! Ahead a car makes a sweeping left hand turn and collides with another. The drivers begin to get out to inspect the slight fender bender which I clearly witnessed. In the bookshop, some wizard proprietor suspects the five volumes I am searching for may be hidden behind one of the larger bookcases, up, perhaps, in a secret shelving area, and as she activates some electrical device, we, sure enough, hear an answer. Pulling the old, dusty bookcase out slightly, we discover the hidden shelf actually exists, and in fact, pull out the five Persian books I've been searching for. I can't really read any of the language directly, though I certainly know what the ancient books are about, and put them all on my American Express card, for some twelve hundred dollars total. I really don't care where the money will come from to cover this expense. It's simply a necessity. (Fin)





April 8th (Dream) Out on the pavement, just outside our house, I find the Pakistani landlord's cousins completely clearing away the tool sheds and garages which used to be there, replacing them with a rudimentary garage. Just as I go into the garage, I discover a car thief, who's ducked behind some of the equipment, though not before I notice he grabbed a small piece from the undercarriage of one of the cars. I'm a total professional about this, and after a quick inspection, notice he's stolen a nut from a screw from an anchoring assembly in the chassis. I pull out and tell my boss I'm going to have to go out and purchase a new anchoring assembly and he's totally amenable to my suggestion. (Fin)





March 30th (Dream) A little old lady has been trained to count to a million, and no one believes she can do it, especially me, even though I seem to be her sponsor or something. There she is, counting away. She must have a short-cut, though I haven't figured it out yet. The real trouble is, when you start getting into the higher numbers, it's not as simple as saying, "One, two, three ...," because each of the higher numerals is polysyllabic, as in "Eight hundred fifty-two thousand, seven-hundred twenty-eight, Eight hundred fifty-two thousand, seven-hundred twenty-nine, Eight hundred fifty-two thousand, seven-hundred thirty ...." I really don't know how she does it. And that's not counting the sit-ups! (Fin)





March 20th (Dream) The second story porch has a huge crack in it, and I'm trying to tell my mom about it when the whole thing collapses. Luckily, no one from my mom's party was out there, and I saw the whole thing come down. Someone is reaching around me and I don't like the way they're doing it. The other partygoers seem nothing but amused when I begin protesting, saying I'm drunk, and maybe I shouldn't have told anyone, realizing the police might have heard me. Still, I really don't like the way this guy is reaching around me and want him to stop! Gathering all my strength, I raise my right arm and hit his hand as hard as I can, thinking, "I don't like this situation at all!" (Fin) which wakes me right up from the sensation of having whacked my own left hand, tangled in the folds of my sweatshirt pouch.

"// ... //. ... // ./ ./ ./. /. ../. // ... ./ /. ./. . The world isn't ready! //. .// ... /. // ... // /../ /. ./ / .. //. /. /.. /," a whisper voice says, followed half an hour later by, "//. ../ //. ... / //. /. // // / /. ../ ./ . Put me down! /.. //. // ../ // ../ // ./ /.. // .. ./. /./ /./ .."





March 13th (Dream) Sasha isn't wearing any underwear, and the two of us go out on an adventure, or a "man safari." It's a real turn-on. Some shadowy guy is giving me a spiel about the benefits of "tasteful" advertising on my web site. Fortunately for me, I used up "tasteful" a long, long time ago. A manager is all bent out of shape that all I appear to be doing is dusting the tables around the office, and the shell casing of my computer. He doesn't think I'm being too productive. It's mutual. I make a secret change in the code, then go out on my motorboat, which darts around a pond in the Golden Gate Park, then slips on the shore of my neighbor's house back in Ladue (St. Louis). It's evening, and Lotsie is meeting me in the darkening shadows, just outside her parents' mansion. You can see people arriving for a party in one of their expansive enclosed porticoes. (Fin)





March 13th The last few years of his life, David Daniels dealt with me almost exclusively telepathically. We rarely spoke aloud. He showed me physical places inside me, such as a place to park at the top left side of my neck. He even showed me how to kill a person, and had me practice by killing my own little dog, Achilles. He didn't have to suffer.

David was preparing me (I saw only after his own death) to understand a part of my own mind, which he called "the self," and which is far, far bigger than anything a person might call an "I" inside themselves. This "self" is what I practice standing close to inside myself, and it, in turn, manages my dreams (at night), and during the day sometimes playfully communicates with me by spotting (out of my peripheral vision) the numerals "3 4" on the license plate of a nearby car. It's always a shock when it does this, bringing the attention of my "I" around to focus on the two digits. ("3 4" was just something I'd picked up off Virginia's license plate when she lived near Berkeley.)

This "self" is just on the verge of bringing my libido out into the light. The pathway is up from my genitals, through the pit of my belly, up into the center of my chest, which is like a trapdoor and a plunging shaft down into actually "losing your mind," or almost all contact with anything a person (meaning, me) might call my persona, my personality, and even my memories of myself. This only thing that guided me when I was in rehearsal for this a number of weeks ago (about six or seven, as I recall), was the notion of sensing physical sensations in my body. That's all I had going for me.

Then once through this "plunge" into actual mindlessness, I found myself right smack in the center of my sinuses (which at first I could only describe as "the strangeness," because I was quite unaccustomed to being there and hadn't quite identified where I was (inside myself) yet. From there, my libido moved smack into my optic nerve, which I experienced for up to sixty or seventy seconds at a time as an intense whiteness totally flooding my vision, (and all I was seeing outside my taxicab). It was intense, and as it turned out, simply a rehearsal.

Meanwhile, as I await to take this pathway once again, this time with full cognizance and awareness of what I'm getting into, much like that astonishing touchdown one minute before the end of the Super Bowl, in which a New York running back realized only too late, no one was blocking him, or impeding his eight-yard rush into the in-zone, and so, trying to kneel down at the half-yard line, rather than give a full sixty seconds back to Boston for a march back down the field, and into overtime, instead tumbled into the in-zone for a touchdown from nothing more than his latent momentum, I'm experimenting with sensing different parts of myself (discovering their uses (such as sensing my belly to keep people from walking into me on the street, or sensing the center of my chest to keep my mind from viciously circling, or revolving around, any troublesome experience with my roommate or any neighbor over here at 7th Street in Berkeley, who from time to time, try to dominate me, or influence me, inwardly labeling this location in the center of my chest, "my future") in everyday life) and amusing myself with what could best be described as "party favor" telepathy.





March 5th (Dream) Someone is trying to get me to pack my stuff faster, into boxes, and I see the truck he's brought around for all our stuff is not only too small, by a few truck lengths, but also way too fancy for what we're doing here. I still don't feel like doing anything at all to help anyone, and am not even lifting a finger. (Fin)





March 4th (Dream) I'm being chased, and the obvious thing to do is gun my car and take it straight to the left, across oncoming traffic, and into the right lane! There are these rooms I still have to clear out, and only have two days left over the weekend to do it. I have no idea why I ever promised my mother I would do it. (Fin)





March 3rd (Dream) A building off on another block (here in Houston, Texas) has collapsed. It was really the scaffolding of an antenna building, and there's no way to see from here what damage it may have wrought. What I'm concerned about is where Achilles has gone. The little dog probably got into the neighboring yard, a recessed fenced-in area with a security guard and everything. I peer over the barbed wire fence and see some little animals scurrying about, and not Achilles ... anywhere! There he is! I finally see him moving from behind a bush and call out to him. A man lights a cigar right in my face, its flame brilliant in contrast to everything else. A woman standing in front of me says my teeth are nice. I tell her they were capped because of drugs. She smiles and says, "I know." I'm on a hill, and some mechanic from underneath is saying we're losing the ground. (Fin)





February 29th (Dream) The bartender keeps ignoring me, and now I'm watching him begin to take down all the liquor to store in a back room. He's still ignoring me, and when he makes one of his final trips from the front to the back, I realize it's certainly too late to get a mixed cocktail. "How about a shot of bourbon?" I ask when I get his attention. (Fin)





February 2nd (Dream) Traipsing upstairs, all my animals come right up the stairs behind me, all twelve of them, turtles and all! We spend some time goofing around, dealing with minor matters, taking all the time in the world! Oops! I threw the Bible away and retrieve it just in time, before the trash gets taken out. I have some things stashed inside there! When I finally decide to join the world, the ship is working its way up a channel deep in my belly. If it can get just so far, there's a back channel that will open, we can shift the rear of the ship slightly to the left and let it poke its way backward into the reverse running stream! Then out beyond the isthmus into the open sea! The captain suggests that then, and only then, I can simply pivot the ship around and give it the gun! He suggests I practice once or twice, which I do, [partially waking,] and noticing how my genitals are navigating some sensations up the right side of my inner belly, I allow another place (on the left) to open, then relaxing slightly, feel a whole muscular pathway suddenly release itself, almost orgasmically, and way up in my head see how two distinct worlds are joined, and [waking up totally] give it the gun! (Fin)





January 31st (Dream) There's a white car, it won't go away, it's shining white. It's called "together," or something. My roommate left it in some garage which reminds me of summer camp in North Carolina. I tell him I'm going to get it, to make one more attempt to retrieve it from the multistory impoundment lot. Now all I have to do is follow his directions, which were rather vague to begin with ... "It's near a large hill," he'd said, which seemed reasonable enough when I heard it. The trouble is, here at the lot, there are lots of large hills nearby! I make my way up into the second floor where there are still lots of cars which aren't being towed yet. The tow trucks seem to be everywhere! Do I even know the license number of his car? Damn! Not only don't I know the license number, I don't even have the car keys! This is clearly an exploratory mission, nothing will bear fruit ... except certain knowledge. (Fin)





January 30th (Dream) I'm in a theater of some kind, near the airport in St. Louis, where I'm going to meet my ex-wife, Danny, who's coming in on a later flight. When I greet her, back by the luggage, I'm surprised she doesn't even have a cell phone, and she explains she always loses them on her latest fling! I've got to get some sort of suit on, it turns out, in this theater I'm back in, and my tie is one place, my shirt another. All I have to do is stay hidden from some people in the next room, who are deadly serious! No problem. I'm on the floor in front of the sofa in the basement in our house in St. Louis. Eventually, I have to get up, and when I head into the next room, where they're carrying on some talk about murdering someone, me in my suit and all, one of the thugs gasses me or something, telling me not to worry, that it's all going to be taken care of. I collapse among some bodies and let the other actors march into the next scene without me. When I wake up, I see this really is a cheesy production of the highest order, almost like a burlesque of reality. I gaze across the room, and some half-ass actor is speaking into a fake phone, "We were in the room!" I'm aware of myself and other surroundings as I hear him continue, "... We were REALLY killing Charlie ???" (Fin)





January 29th (Dream) When I wake up, a whole flock of birds is coming through my bedroom window, along with bright sunshine. I hear my sisters somewhere, and slip into my bedroom. One or both of them will slip into my room for me to show them my hard-on, which I'm already dreaming about! (Fin)





January 25th (Dream) David Daniels is in one of the rooms, the room to the right, upstairs at our house in St. Louis. Silence. He's simply being silent. When Whitney comes upstairs, (in her house in Cambridge, back in the early 'eighties) she's kind of surprised to see me. She goes right on by, and into a room to the left. She's acting upset about something I said, though as David taught me, I never actually said anything! I think that's becoming clearer and clearer. Then quickly, to seize the moment, as they say, I quickly replace one tile (on the rug) with another, one after the other, before anyone's the wiser. There! There's only one tile left, and all evidence of what HAD been said will be gone! (Fin)





January 24th (Dream) On my off-shift I get hold of a motorcycle from the taxi company and leave it at a hotel garage up on a hill. Just to go for a bite. Unfortunately, when I get back, the bike's gone, the doorman's playing dumb, and the cashier's line, inside the hotel, is frozen in time. I finally break into the front of the line and ask if they know anything about a taxi motorcycle that might have been towed from their front shed. Nothing. Back near the Golden Gate Bridge, I manage to hitch a ride with a friend of mine, and that's what loops me back to the discovery of my missing bike. I don't actually find the bike. I simply find it's missing for the first time. It's a loop of some kind. (Fin)





January 23rd (Dream) I'm gazing out on the cityscape with some other people, and unbeknownst to us, a sudden projection paints huge white translucent circles and squares on top of what we're seeing, followed by the projection of an entire locomotive and train. It's otherworldly, to put it lightly. There's a woman next to me at the café who's a little fartutst that I'm there, especially since I've now launched my entire body out upon the large wooden dining table, as if I'm part of the banquet. Well, we've got to get to the bottom of this, I've long since decided, and insist that we go through the receipts, which one of the café cooks has carefully been wrapping in a spool of Saran wrap, and I'm convinced that there, among the records, will be the lobster shells and discarded crab skins which will prove what I've been telling them. I have no idea what I've been telling them, though I'm convinced these "leavings" will prove my case. One cook goes through one spool, a little disgruntled by this process, and soon, another goes to work on a second spool. Ha! There's the proof! It was a wonderful dinner I had! That's all I've been trying to tell them! (Fin)





January 21st (Dream) I see her! Down over the rail I go, to race up the stairs! She's after me! I've got to make it to a car or I'm finished ... and that's not bloody likely! Here we go! There I'm leaving her! (Fin)





January 19th (Dream) I'm on the left side of the freeway, waiting for anyone at all to move. I decide to simply switch sides. (Fin)

(Dream) The dungeon door opens, its wood scraping slightly on the basement cobblestones. (Fin)





January 15th (Dream) I'm in a mall that's not far from my new house. If you take a cart of some kind, you can unfold it into something like a go-cart, which is my new invention! You can go shooting down the aisles in it, and they let you, because you let on that you're handicapped, or something like that. I'm outside on it now, and am using it instead of a car, launching myself down a curving mountain road. Lean one way, the cart turns slightly that way, lean the other, and you stay pretty much on the center stripe! I get down to my house and have to make sure the kids don't investigate too much. I've got my loaded pistols somewhere in my unpacked belongings and definitely don't want any prying eyes and hands laying themselves in there! The kids follow me, and I make sure to lose them before I head back to one of the rooms for a quick shower. My stepfather's lurking about somewhere. I caught a glimpse of him outside the library. Out at the pond, I'm about to join some guy in a skiff that's tied up on the pier, and just as I step onto the small craft, the moron pulls away, letting me splash smack into the deep water! Damn! I'm wearing all my clean clothes, too. It's some sort of park, and the bystanders simply watch me pulling myself back to shore and onto the pier again. I guess the specter of all these witnesses shame the guy into coming back to the pier, where I have to spell out, in painstaking detail, "I have a deaf sister in my family," I tell the crowd in general, "and I'm kind of used to people simply 'observing' the behavior of others, without anyone actually having to explain themselves out loud that they're about to step onto the boat," I tell him, and he may or may not have a clue what I'm talking about. (Fin)





January 12th (Dream) I'm with one of my sisters in a room with a sofa or bed in the middle, and I'm teaching her about circling the bed. Whether we circle clockwise or counterclockwise is an interesting question. There's a train coming. We head down to the station because there's supposedly only one car in the train we're supposed to take, and we're interested in catching that particular train. On and off! Someone's after me with a gun, and when I make my getaway, make sure I'm packing one, too! I'm not used to carrying and feel it's important in this case. The main thing is to head out into some neighborhood where no one will conceive of looking for me. If I can get to the right spot, I can simply lie low, keep from moving about. There's one place, close to the fence to the park which seems to fit the bill, and just as I settle for a long wait, the home dwellers start to stir. Damn! They're going to discover my hideaway, it's certain. Making sure not to leave my gun behind, I make a run for it! My mother's coming to the other side of the sofa, looking for me. (Fin)





January 11th (Dream) It's kind of precarious. I'm using a ladder to make my way up three stories on the outside of the building, up to where my storage area is. I'd forgotten all about it! The Black landlord hadn't seemed perturbed in the slightest that I've missed paying my monthly fifty dollar rent on the area. He was just interested in tabulating my total bill, some three hundred dollars now. I think he intrinsically knows I'm good for it. Meanwhile, this ladder may not be the best way to make my way up, especially because one of my little dogs is following me! "No, Achilles!" I try to tell him, and it's no good! He's bound and determined to come up here, too, and seems oblivious to the fall which would kill him, off the balcony here. I make my way to a further stairway, off the second floor balcony, and someone keeps ducking out of sight. There's got to be a better way! And sure enough, as I take a look at the situation from a distance, the landlord intimates there's some inner lift, some inner mechanism, sort of like a retractable fire escape, on the inside of the porches! I try again, and sure enough, am lifted readily (and safely!) from one porch to another. Now you're talking! (Fin)





January 10th (Dream) I know it's a language course, and that's about all. I'm trying to zero in on it and can't really follow anything except the word in the file for "hot" – It's "moonmew." That's about all I can hang on to -- Moonmew! (Fin)





January 6th (Dream) Sasha and I make it into what can only be described as a barracks of some sort, and simply by keeping my mouth shut, the soldiers there take me for one of their own. The two of us pretty much take over a bed right in the middle of things, and nobody says a word. When it's relatively dark, Sasha and I kiss a little but not much else. We're not about to do anything passionate. I'm standing alone out by the porch leading to the ocean. An Armenian woman comes out and hints a little I might follow, and I don't. Instead, I watch two hoodlum couples who come by, one of the guys prodding his girl in front of him, telling her, "How do you like her thirty-four C's?" for some reason. They seem to be into some sort of scene, and I keep my eye on them out by a beach gazebo, if just to make sure no one hurts the girl. Instead, she seems to be pushed or goaded into pulling her bra up over her breasts and darting into view from time to time, as if she's being pushed from behind. Then the two couples head back my way and in passing, go straight through my room, where I've been unwinding my parachutes by hanging them on ceiling hooks. I suddenly realize, as the two hoodlums go around a corner to where my parachutes are spread out, that maybe they're intent on stealing something, and sure enough, when I come in to check, one gangster is still in my room, and the other gangster is out in the hallway with one of my white parachutes. "I'm going out after it!" I tell the remaining gangster, who seems all too happy to let me out into the hotel hallway, locking the door to my own room behind me. And there is the other gangster with not only my parachute, a whole other lot of loot. (Fin)

Waking up, I realize, or a whisper voice says something behind the white noise in my mind, "//. ../ //./.. ///. ./// .//.. ../. /.. // If you don't try to get too much good, you won't get too much bad! //.. //../ /..// ./.// //... ..//. /./ ../ .../ /," and at the same time, I sense a strong sensation, bordering on pain, in my right testicle. That's where the parachute is tangled, and that's where I allow myself to hang and spin, and let the sensation unwind.





2012 January 4th (Dream) The fire had to have been set by one of the landlord's children and all I'm doing is throwing in some tennis shoes. That ought to smoke 'em out! Here we are in St. Louis, and some fellow has a map which we're supposed to be paying attention to. He mentions a particular number and I pipe up, "Oh, [and here I mention some city name I see on the map down at the tip of Florida]" "Good! How did you know that?" he asks. Well, the number he mentioned goes with the route running directly down to the bottom tip of Florida. Everybody thinks I'm some kind of genius. My mother and stepfather don't want to let me in on anything. I'm outside, waiting in the limousine, then go inside where David Van Ness is hanging out with them. There's a telephone there, which I accidentally pick up, which for some reason, rattles everyone. There's total silence on the line, rather than a ring tone. Finally, someone speaks on the line, and I realize the limo driver, or whoever he is, had been calling us just as I'd picked up the phone! He asks to speak to David Van Ness, who takes the line and seems to know what everything's about. I sure don't. (Fin)





2011 December 29th Before I fell asleep, I was contemplating ways to display "Categories" at taxi1010.com, considering the ways I've done it on other pages ... (Dream) Waking up, I realize the Significant Extractors were here! I quickly assess my sleeping situation, ("Incredible! Just incredible!" I say out loud, pretty much to myself) me wearing pretty much nothing but underwear, and lying on top of my mattress with the blanket shoved off to the side. Sitting up, I see some empty tomato juice containers and carefully set aside sandwich wrappers, and at the same time, discover an elder American Indian or Mexican worker smiling at from the nearby sofa. Two more laborers are just coming in from the hallway (at Wrightsville Beach) pulling a folded mattress through the doorway. That's probably what woke me. Certainly not the meal they enjoyed while I slept! And my money! I go over to a countertop and discover the forty-odd one-dollar bills, five-dollar bills and even a ten, which I had strewn about the night before, all neatly stacked by one of my shoes. I wander off to the kitchen (in the next room) where a short American Indian or Mexican woman is washing or drying dishes. (Fin)





December 27th (Dream) Coming down off the upper level of the Bay Bridge along a totally new off-ramp, which clearly has never been used before for exiting traffic, I realize if I'm not careful, I'll be swept up onto the bridge again going back across, something I don't really care to do. Instead, at the bottom of the curving ramp, I make a left turn into what appears to be oncoming traffic. Never mind! If I stay to the left, they'll have to figure out what's going on and stay clear. I look in my rearview mirror and see other cars following my lead. We all stay left and wind around to the right as the road takes us safely to surface streets. I'm at work and have to climb up a dirt embankment over a toilet, it looks like. If I'm careful, I see, the earth won't give way as I make my way up using the dirt outcroppings as stairs. I just have to avoid the pit! Damn! A huge chunk of earth breaks off, then makes it easier for me to see another way around, up and over, where the dispatcher has been waiting to grab hold of my arm. Well done! and congratulations all around! As I continue winding along through the mall, I see David Peterson overtaking and passing me after the Meeting of Seekers of Truth. If I go one way, I know, there's a jeweler ... No. I'm looking for a café because I'm starving. I pass a few burger joints before a suitable restaurant becomes apparent. There are awfully few tables left, and even as I'm considering the situation in the restaurant, even more people come in and seize what remaining tables I can see. Never mind! I can simply grab hold of a spare chair, which I do, asking a nearby server if she can find a tiny, "The tiniest!" table to go in front of me. A few other people adopt my strategy of "chair first, then table," and one guy in particular grabs not only a chair and tiny table, but seems intent on shoving me somewhat aside. Never mind! I can simply occupy the floor! A silent film comes up on a screen at one end of the café, not far from the bar, and as I watch, this same guy who was bullying me steps through the screen and presses a button on the screen itself, from the other side of it, that seems to unlock a door in a scene from the 1946 film! Damn! He waits for the movie to start again, then once more steps through the screen, presses a doorbell (from the other side of the screen) that's perfectly timed in the ongoing 1946 film, to open a doorway for the characters to go through. Damn! I try it. (Fin)





December 24th (Dream) I'm on the shore, the ocean's ahead of me, and suddenly, just before the shoreline, I discover a huge crack in the earth. It seems to be an excavation of some kind, and manmade. I go down. Rounding a corner around to the left, I'm suddenly in a huge dining hall, with rows and rows of seats running up along a series of balconies. There's a store here as well, and I focus my attention on some trinkets some girl is showing me. (Fin)

Yesterday, a part of my mind showed me something simple: If I'm making love, and suddenly find myself in a morass of some kind before I can ejaculate, simply run energy up the left side of my spine. That seems to be the secret to the crack in the earth from the dream as well. There's a ladder from my having practiced running energy up the left side of my spine, and I can follow it down the excavation (this sense memory) on the left-hand side of the excavation, to discover my libido waiting for me ... way down the hole!





December 23rd (Dream) I take my red Jeep with the black top just a little too close to the ocean, and wouldn't you know it? I took it too far! Out into the sea with it, and of course it sinks! Jeeps don't float! Damn! I go home and don't say a word to my parents ... Just wait! is my motto, all I have to do is wait. I go back to the ocean (where I lost it) next day and ask a shore crew if they've encountered my Jeep in their everyday salvaging operations. They look at me like I'm from another planet. "No Jeep at all!" one of them informs me, then totally ignores me. Well, I can see I'm being left to my own devices and make my way out into the sound water until it's deeper and deeper ... actually, quite deep. Taking care not to interfere with the men who are salvaging what they take for more valuable properties, I make my way out to where the Jeep should be, if my memory from yesterday serves me well. Still, no red Jeep. Damn! Of course not, I realize. Even if it were here, where I drove it too far out into the sea, the rip currents would have long since swept it away. I forgot all about those damn rip currents! Shit! I go home Jeepless and face the prospects of telling my stepfather about my misadventures with the Jeep, realizing in some obscure way, I'll always be able to use his pickup truck! All I have to do is keep my mouth shut, pretend the Jeep isn't missing, and I'm set! "I'm just using your truck for a bit!" I call out (Fin) waking and realizing with a jolt I don't even have a red Jeep, and haven't for years. I traded it in my my blue BMW way back in 1994.





December 21st (Dream) My new roommate is from somewhere in Central America, and we're living in the Fillmore. When we meet for the first time, I tell her we have three things in common. "What's that?" she asks. "Well, for starters, I just brushed my teeth," I tell her. "We're both people," I continue. She can see where this is going, becomes impatient, and goes over to the side of the road to talk on her cell phone. When I arrive at work at the think tank, it's probably some time after nine o'clock, though certainly not noon yet. One of the administrative assistants greets me in passing with something like, "You made it!" or some other rude remark. I'm not quite sure, searching my memory, what she said. What seems to matter most is our sudden directive to meet in one of the lounge areas, where it appears there's a body behind some police tape. I've somehow landed in the bright lights and freeze like the proverbial deer that's there. It doesn't matter. The CEO intends to lead us on some adventure, and I follow second behind some woman who's barely keeping up with him on the "chase." We go out along a ramp, down some stairs, around a corner, with me right on the tail of the woman who isn't exactly keeping up with the CEO. Finally, after many twists, turns, climbs and descents, we seem to be at the CEO's intended destination, where a Coke would be nice. The woman ahead of me has none to share, and the two fellows who were on my tail do have some extra sodas, and one offers me one, which is not particularly cold. Actually, it's quite warm, and I don't intend to drink a warm Coca-Cola. The two guys huddle and discuss something. (Fin)





December 20th (Dream) I'm waking up at a beach house somewhere, checking for spiders and things in the bed I've just been sleeping in. People wouldn't believe it, anyway. I pull back a white curtain near the wall and window, and a damn bear with two cubs hurriedly make their way for the window and almost flow away in their gigantic way. It's all unbelievable, and I'm not going to even try to tell anybody. (Fin)

"// ... /.. // ./ /... .// .... ./. /.. ./.. /.. .. //. / ../ / He died, // /. ..../. /./ ../ ./ ../ .// .../ /... ./.. /.. /./. /," a whisper voice says.

"/ /.. .../. /.. // ./ /./ /.. .//.. //.. ./. /. He never had to eat a girl before, ... /. / /.../ //. ./. /.. /.. /./ /.. ../. /.. /.," a second voice answers.





December 18th (Dream) I'm in a car watching another guy hiding under a blanket, at the driver's wheel. He's kind of old and decreed. The animal skin, or blanket, is covering his outstretched arms. Someone is spelling their name, "Elizabeeth," and as I watch, I'm a little distressed at their behaviour. I watch them run through the same routine again, this time spelling their name, "Elizabeth." (Fin) Waking up, I see there's always a twin behind the curtain.





December 15th


The day after Thanksgiving may be the most difficult day of the year for driving a taxicab. Before noon, literally no one wants a cab, and to make matters worse, Wai Fun Chen had insisted I come way out to 31st Avenue and Judah for her Chinese version of Thanksgiving leftovers ... I had premonitions, and when I got out there, in the taxicab hinterlands, having had almost no customers all day, the reality of the food she gave me was even worse than my wildest dreads: It was literally curled up, dried hunks of cooked ham and shreds of equally horrid bird of some kind. I was on the verge of being cruelly force-fed. You may think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. If my stomach was tense before I got there, it was cruelly tied in knots at the prospect of having to eat what she was "giving" me. I managed to eat two bites, then asked her to wrap it up for me, "to go," I told her, adding, "I told you I wouldn't be hungry today!"


I drove my taxi straight to Ocean Beach and shredding the meat into even smaller pieces, heaved it to the seagulls and crows (who remember me to this day!) Back in my taxicab I felt a sudden sensation in my genitals, rising up through my tense abdomen, and even farther to the center of my chest. "Where a line meets a circle, stop!" David Daniels said on literally thirty or forty days during our Meetings of Seekers of Truth, over a span of some thirty-five years. Just as the sensation I'm describing hit the center of my chest, my optic nerve was suddenly overwhelmed with a brilliant whiteness, the likes of which I thought I'd never seen before (though upon further reflection, on later days, it had a certain similarity to the bright light which was shown in my eyes just prior to a traumatic eye operation I had as a teenager, when some sadistic ophthalmologist was preparing to cut some sharp stone out of my eyeball, which had somehow lodged there, during an otherwise brilliant summer at Wrightsville Beach). However, now, as the brilliant white flooded my eyes (from the inside of me, it seemed) I could still see enough outside my body to continue driving my taxicab. The whole episode lasted some six to ten seconds.

Luckily, I'm a child of the 'sixties, and am quite familiar with mind-altering states, having had my fair share of LSD, crystal meth, heroin, psilocybin, hashish, marijuana, and various other goodies I was too zonked out to name. This was my Dartmouth experience, on the Vermont side of the river. On the New Hampshire side, I was more or less a student in good standing majoring in mathematics, and furthermore, employed at Kiewit Computation Center to assist students with the GE 635 Dartmouth Time-Sharing System (known as DTSS, in the vernacular of the time). LSD, DTSS ... whatever.

Back to November 25th, of this year, I was ready to sense my genitals again, not out of any death wish or anything, rather because that's where my attention was being drawn by life itself, and again, the sensation beginning there, then rising through the tautness of my abdomen, up to where a line meets a circle in the center of my ... breathing ... and again ... The Brilliant, almost Overwhelming Whiteness overcame my optic nerve, superimposed upon what I was seeing outside my body continuing, somehow, to drive my taxicab back towards the City along Fulton Street. This time the episode lasted longer ... some twelve to fourteen seconds ... and then stopped, returning my vision to normal.


This phenomenon repeated itself roughly eight more times during the afternoon, the longest and final shot being on Chestnut Street, near Steiner, amidst literally a hundred or so people out for the shopping experience, not far from the Apple Computer Store on Chestnut. This time the whiteness dove down, down, down, taking my mind with it to a state of almost total amnesia! My mind literally was being wiped out, and I couldn't think, feel or sense anything at all from my life, mind, or memories ... just the overwhelming whiteness superimposed upon what I was seeing outside my moving vehicle ... and I just managed to realize I had to transform something ... something! ... into, into ... sensation! That was it. That was the key. And just as I did this, that is, transformed what was happening in my vision and mind into a realization of ... sensation, I felt something come up from my genitals, up through the pathway from there, through my taut abdomen, and up into the center of my chest ... where it perceived something like a rabbit hole and dove in! The idea, I realized, sensing all this on the inside, was to go down some ladder ... not up!


Well, whatever needed to be done inside me somehow had its way with me and was done ... though later that evening, as I related a short version of this to Naomi, over at Luca's Italian Restaurant, I sensed her attraction and at the same time, as a "white episode" seemed immanent, I shifted something inside myself slightly to the left, something in my back I had the impression, and this "left shift" seemed to satisfy whatever it was that was intent on my seeing all of what I've related here, and instead of "seeing white," I simply felt the rising sensation from my genitals, up through my taut belly, up to where a line meets a circle, down the "rabbit hole" in the center of my chest ... then, once there, "at the beach," so to speak, took an abrupt left turn, and all I felt was a tiny bit dizzy.

I forgot to mention ... between these episodes during the day, as I gazed out on the world, I saw colors like I've never seen them. They were just ... so ... noticeable.





December 15th (Dream) The Chinese woman is in the back of my taxi. I repeat for the second or third time, "Are you going to switch one lane to the left? Back to your Chinese name?" I continue, "Wah?" She continues to ignore me and keeping my attention on the road ahead, I repeat, "Are you going to switch one lane to the left, to your Chinese name, Wah? I know it's the law now. Are you going to switch one lane to the left?" I may or may not have her attention, though I think she's beginning to stir (Fin) and waking up, realize the dream had been trying to communicate with me. I realize I have a choice, and that people have been trying to trick me out of my playfulness all these years. All I have to do is switch over to the left ... that's it ... Sensations reignite down my left leg, all the way to the sole of my foot, then flood my awareness, up through my genitals, across the front of my abdomen, and into the center of my chest. Where a line meets a circle, stop! That's it. The center of my chest, of my breathing, of my playfulness.

Something in my mind tilts its head to the left, as if asking, "Are you sure?" and when I affirm in my own mind, "Distinctly!" something seems to fix me there, where I am, as if with rivets on the edge of a canvas cover. And the rivets hold fast, I can see. They're one-way fasteners.





December 14th (Dream) I'm carrying Whitney's suitcase and discover, since it's a ways to go across the top of the stream, I can carry it on top of my head. Now I'm steaming along! After I get back down the rapids, carrying her suitcases this way for the long haul, I get back to the dormitories and find no one around. Havi's room is empty, and Whitney's not around, either. I set the suitcase down and when Whitney shows up, it's like we're strangers. Total strangers. I don't know quite what to make of it and leave it alone. When we get together later, she seems a little chagrined, and finally owns up that something might have happened during Freshman Week, the week she spent here before I arrived. Now my curiosity is peeked, or tweaked, or ... now it's getting to be a little like old times! Out at the tree house, I've figured out how to get nails just deep enough into the pegs to hold them firmly, yet let them be rotated around, from one joint to another. The sunshine is brilliant, and squirrels are definitely eating the nuts. (Fin)





December 12th Waking up, a voice from a slightly off-kilter part of my mind whispered something about my foot. I couldn't quite determine its intent, though did sense a slight disturbance, "The day's afoot!" running down my left calf and leg into my left foot, which I allowed my attention to follow and run down, as if it were a rabbit I was chasing ... and suddenly my entire left leg lit up with a life of its own, and once reaching and bottoming out at the sole of that left foot, rebounded with total confidence into my genitals, where it rested, then continued up into the center of my chest, where it finally settled ... with an occasional visit up to crow's nest between my eyes, from which it gazed out, then returned to the center of my chest.

(Dream) I'm at a meeting of Seekers of Truth, and am surprised by David Daniels' intended arrival. In the meantime, there's some discussion as to what we're supposed to make of his teaching, and I volunteer we're simply meant to hold tight until it becomes obvious what to do, which doesn't seem to garner much support from many others. I retreat to a side of the room, sense the parts of me which I know make perfect sense, and settle. One or two members of his group seem to catch on, and give me glances of support. Suddenly David Daniels himself is sitting directly to my right side, and I sense his entire being there on the sofa beside me. After a short time he gets up crosses in front of me, he's much skinnier than I had remembered him to be, and proceeds off to the kitchen to the left of me with an unsteady, childlike stumble, almost as if he had just awakened. The path ahead of me is awfully narrow, and I have to veer slightly so I'm in line with the trucks which are lumbering along the back country road, certainly not paved! What's really catching my attention is the little skateboard which is bumping along behind one of the trucks, seemingly under its own power. I had no idea these skateboards had the capacity for being self-powered, and this one certainly is. There's clearly an electric motor or something hidden beneath, between the wheels. Just as I contemplate stepping onto the board, which is still bumping along and occasionally bumping into the truck ahead of us, I (Fin) wake up.

Oh, my God! I saw the time and realized my Internet surfing last night, into the wee hours, had me forgetting it's Monday, and to phone in to Dennis at four a.m. The clock now said 8:15, way too late for a missed shift, and acute shame and chagrin flooded my entire chest to such an extent, it took me five or six minutes to figure out how to operate the telephone part of my iPhone, to phone in. Luckily, Dennis had deduced I wasn't coming in, which is one point for "Life knows best!" ... Richard, 0, Life, 1.





December 8th (Dream) After Danny and I get together, we make an arrangement that we'll simply get close ... No making love! ... I've got my class to teach and when I'm out on the campus, realize I've got to take a leak. I make my way into one of the college buildings and discover a line of other guys just outside the men's room, all of us having to hold it! I somehow make it around and into the tile floored restroom and after finding a toilet that's not overflowing or otherwise occupied, take care of everything and make my way up a gigantic dirt hill outside, which is the only path I can discover to where I'm supposed to be holding my class. Damn! The hill is huge! (Fin)





December 6th (Dream) I'm with a woman, teaching her something. She knows me as "'rd!" -- it's my nickname -- 'rd! (Fin)





December 5th (Dream) My friend and I have set our airplanes down for a moment, just off the beach, and when he's not looking, I hop into my own and start taxiing down the sand ramp to the lift, and I'm airborne! I fly straight out, ducking the plane under some telephone or electrical wires, then off towards the beach where I circle until there's a suitable straight-away to bring her in! My friend lands soon afterwards in his plane, and he's more concerned with getting a new suit than horsing around down here. I point out a mall where certainly there's a K-Mart or something ... "They're bound to sell men's suits," I tell him, and he leaves me to my own devices. My dog is a Great Dane, and I have to make sure to take care of his gigantic stools before I leave here. The sands are one thing, gigantic turds buried in the sands are something else. I take my taxicab straight down toward the spot beyond my friend, who is still asking for directions, and by way of example, take a sharp right turn into a shortcut through the park. Some man is menacing me, and I've seen him before. He grabs hold of my left hand and makes another approach straight on. No one else can see what he's about, and I do! He's got a knife! "He's going to cut me!" I scream out to my friends, as the guy pins me down and jabs a needle into my left hand, then a sharp knife into one of my fingers. (Fin)





November 29th (Dream) I'm racing along through the garage with another taxicab racing along beside me. Ha! If I keep this pace, I'll be able to shoot through the opening ahead, leaving the other cab in the dust! Whoosh! I'm through. Sitting up on the concrete ledge, the stocky gangster's just putting the finishing touch on my haircut. "Were some guys looking for you?" he asks me. I'm puzzled. "How's that?" I ask. "Three fellows were out here saying they're going to hurt you," he says. The timing is wrong, there's something about the timing. It's somehow all wrong. But when I turn around, I do see too nefarious types slinking along behind some concrete pillars, saying something to a third fellow behind a column in front of them. They can't be here before me ... (Fin) I wake up, finishing the thought ... because I outraced them getting here!





November 28th (Dream) I'm at a High School seminar with perhaps a hundred people in the audience, and David Daniels has just asked if anyone has any questions. I volunteer and say, "I had an experience recently," and in my mind realize I'm pretty much just making this up, "in which I dreamt I couldn't put my arm up behind my back," and as illustration, turn and put my arm up behind my back and lift my hand upwards toward the small of my back. "Then after the dream," I go on in the seminar, "I actually couldn't lift my arm up behind my back." By now I'm right in front of David, who's regarding me with a kind of softness. "Well, anyway," David says, "Four-ajah!" in such a way that I know means, "Fuck you!" and exchanges a look with me meaning not so much "Fuck you!" to me, but rather, that that's how I should respond when someone pulls such a stunt on me. (Fin)



elevator <== earlier

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